Blue Monday is often considered the third Monday of January, and it’s believed to be one of the most depressing days of the year. Your bank account has been drained by recent festivities, you’ve probably given up on your new years resolutions, it’s cold, it’s dark, and it’s months until your next holiday. While the scientific validity of Blue Monday is debatable, it’s a good opportunity to focus on mental health and well-being. Here are some general tips for managing your mental health on Blue Monday or any challenging day. It’s important to note that these techniques might not work instantly, and consistency is key. Additionally, if you find that your low mood persists or worsens, seeking professional help from a mental health professional is recommended. They can provide personalized strategies and support tailored to your specific situation.
- Identify the emotional resilience you already have
We all have some form of emotional resilience within us. We have all survived difficult things, big or small, from embarrassing situations to difficult jobs, to dealing with a difficult person in our lives. Try and identify these internal resources. We often forget or don’t realise we have them, especially when we are overwhelmed by a situation. We can also sometimes minimise our own efforts because we tend to be a bit mean to ourselves. Try reframing your thought or memory to emphasise the efforts YOU put in. For example, if you are thinking, “my friends and family helped me through” consider the perspective, “I was able to manage my emotions by talking to my friends and family about what was distressing me”.
- Use your senses
Your senses are an effective tool in grounding you in your present. When we are anxious, distressed, or sad, we often spend far too much time thinking. Often these thoughts are worries about the future, or memories of the past. Thoughts can feel like they are going round and round in your head. Psychologists call this ruminating. A lot of time spent ruminating tends to make you feel even worse and can be overwhelming. Your senses can act as a gateway back into your present or to an imagined place of your choice. Your senses can have a powerful soothing effect on your nervous system. For each of your five senses – taste, touch, smell, sight, sound – list things that you think would be calming for you. Examples might be: a scent you like such as lemon or lavender, vanilla, a favourite perfume. or herbs and spices; a cosy blanket; fairy lights; the sound of a waterfall or the sea, looking at beautiful artworks in a gallery, strong tastes like lemon or mint. Many apps now have recordings of sounds from nature. Put one on and close your eyes. Imagine you are at the beach. Go for a walk, but instead of getting tied up in your thoughts, take time to really notice how the clouds are moving, name all the different noises you can hear one by one. Think about the different textures you can see in the room and try and notice things in your environment you haven’t noticed before. How would you describe them in a sentence – their purpose, form and texture? Pay close attention to the detail of the world. Use your senses to interact with your environment. Cook something from scratch and take as long as you want over it. Notice all the different colours of the ingredients. Make bread or jams or pickles and enjoy the smells that fill the house. Try and fill your environment with things that work for YOU and your sensory preferences.
- Make time for humour
Don’t feel guilty for using humour in difficult times. Laughter doesn’t make a situation any less serious or mean you care less, but it may just shift your perspective enough to help get you through a tough day. Watch a movie or comedy show that makes you laugh. Actively try to remember instances where someone has made you laugh or a really fun and carefree experience you had. Close your eyes and take yourself back to that day. Remind yourself what was good about it and try to recall how that felt in your body. It sounds simple, but do you make time for humour? Or do stress and worry take up more of your time? Make a conscious effort to schedule it into your day, even for 15 minutes.
- Make a Wellbeing Box
We can use things that are meaningful to us to help manage our mood. Think about how you feel when you look through old photographs from times you have enjoyed, or light candles, or listen to a song you love. Maybe you have some favourite books or films that uplift you. Is there an object or a letter that reminds you of when you felt valued and important. Is there something that reminds you of times you have thrived? If there are things that distract you like crosswords, put in a few of those. Write out some quotes or positive affirmations into a notebook. Having this box pre-prepared means you can reach for it when you need it and it’s all there for you without you having to think about it.
This is also a good activity to do with children and teenagers. You’re teaching them how to self-soothe in healthy ways. They can decorate their boxes and choose where in the house to keep them. Make sure this is a screen free activity. Being able to hold things in your hands makes them more impactful and avoids distractions from phones.
- Get in touch with your values
It is worth taking some time to think about what your values are. In other words, what do you stand for as a person? What is meaningful to you? It could be that it’s important to you to be a trustworthy and loyal friend, an attentive parent, a hard worker, an adventurer, a good team player, to be creative, or to support your local community. When we act in accordance with our values, we tend to view our life as more purposeful and meaningful. Our values can act as a reference point for who we are, how we respond in certain situations, and where we want to go in life. We will all have times when we act in ways that are not in line with our values. It’s human, so try to show yourself compassion in these times. Just be curious and notice how that feels and why. What is preventing you from aligning with your values? Is there a hurt part of you that needs some attention? We are less likely to feel overwhelmed when we face challenging experiences if we manage to stay in touch with our values. Once you have identified your most important values, see if you can identify an action or behaviour that will bring your life more in line with a particular value.
- Make a new friend (yourself)
Generally, we tend to be more compassionate towards others than we are towards ourselves. Do you have an inner dialogue that says things you would never dream of saying to anyone else? It’s a common misconception that self-criticism drives us to function and perform better. Think about teaching someone a new skill. Most of us recognise that providing encouragement and viewing mistakes as part of the learning process will motivate the person to learn faster and stay motivated. Yet when we often apply different rules to our own experiences, berating and shaming ourselves for mistakes. Anything you do that is currently driven by self-criticism; you will do better if it is driven by self-compassion. ALL humans make mistakes, perfection is unattainable.
The person you will spend most time with in your life is yourself. You are your closest friend. Do you want to have a supportive friend or a critical friend following you everywhere? When you notice yourself being self-critical, think about what you would say to a friend in a similar situation, and try saying that to yourself instead. If you do this repeatedly over time, your brain will start to do it automatically.
- Try to find balance
Psychologists think that well-being comes from living a life with a balance of activities that are fun, that provide a sense of purpose or achievement, and that positively connect us with others. In psychology, we call the process of purposefully scheduling these types of activities into your week, “behavioural activation”, a first line intervention for depression.
We are social beings – we need relational connections and attachments to thrive and feel good. We would recommend trying to do at least some activities that are social and involve other people. Can you start that new yoga class, or volunteer somewhere? The first step is always the hardest, but once you are past that hurdle, the benefits can be plentiful and often open other doors. What we usually don’t realise is that others are also feeling anxious or were anxious when they first started. Take the plunge and see what happens. If you can combine social activities with something fun or rewarding, even better.
- Set realistic goals
The trick is to make each step realistic and achievable. When we have a desired outcome, it can be tempting to try and get there as fast as humanly possible. You might say you’ll go for a run every morning next week, but for most of us that is an unrealistic goal that will only lead to a sense of failure (when we don’t make it past day one or two)! Breaking goals into smaller, more realistic steps and ticking off the things you HAVE managed will help you build momentum and motivation, and you will be less likely to give up altogether. Spend some time planning and consider in advance things that might limit your progress and what you might to manage them when they arise. A well-considered strategy will usually be worth the investment and prevent repeated feelings of disillusionment. Really try to enjoy the feeling that moving to the next step brings. You might even find the process more rewarding than the outcome!
- Remember that you can’t separate body and mind.
We sometimes tend to conceptualise our thoughts and emotions as existing in a separate space from our bodies. But the truth is that our mindset is heavily influenced by what our bodies experience and vice versa. To influence our mood, we must consider and respond to the things that affect our bodies. This is a complex bio-psycho-social interaction, with nuances that will differ from person to person. However, fundamentally we will all be impacted by variances in: daylight, activity level, sleep, and how we fuel our bodies.
Maximising exposure to daylight is key to keeping on top of your mood in winter, so avoid sleeping through daylight hours. Move your body in a way that works for you. That could be jogging, cycling or lifting weights, but it could be playing frisbee, walking the dog, or spending time doing household chores that keep you on your feet. Anything that raises your heart rate will help. Your body will release endorphins which improve your feelings of wellbeing. Building muscle or improving fitness can also make you feel mentally as well as physically stronger. If you’re having a down day or week, exercise is often the last thing you want to do, but it is likely to be one of the most effective ways of lifting your mood. It’s unusual to regret physical activity. It is also a good way to release unpleasant emotions like frustration and anger from your body. Physical activity can also increase your energy and motivation levels and improve your concentration. Other ways of boosting mood stability include: prioritising sleep and rest, limiting screen time, and planning how you are going to meet your body’s nutritional requirements for the week ahead.
If it all gets too much….
If you’re really struggling, reach out to safe friends or family members, or to professional support services. Remember you are not alone, most people experience overwhelming and distressing emotions at times, and many people experience them frequently. Speak to your GP in the first instance if you think you need professional input for your mental health. Here are some important contact numbers to be aware of if you need more immediate support.
If someone’s life is in immediate danger, always call 999 straight away
NHS 24 can be accessed by calling 111 on any mobile or landline
Breathing Space: 0800 838 587
The Samaritans: 116 123
